Alis in Not-So-Wonderland
by quietboxed
Summary: Alis is only the third person from Middleland to have seen Wonderland. But is it going to be all she expected?


Am I going mad?

The bubble is so shiny. Rainbows that shimmer and gleam with airy translucency, so smooth and yet so static, flitting to and from my eyes.

The sky, above me, it's growing smaller. It's sky blue, creamy blue, blue like the color of Baby Sister's walls.

How did I get down here? I know I am falling, or is it floating, inside this little bubble? What do you call it, when a bubble falls?

Apart from that, I am a cub without her mother. Lost in the woods of—of what? Of my imagination? The bubble feels real enough. But in dreams, it all feels real. It isn't until you wake that you realize how silly it was.

But dreams aren't usually so clear. I am dreaming in HD.

And it seems silly to me already. But I'm not awake yet!

A piano floats by my bubble. There is a cat playing a tune: Alouette, gentile alouette. He is very good at it.

He smiles at me, and I smile back. His smile is too big for his face. I am afraid that it'll go all the way around his head, and his head will fall off.

Silly me. That's impossible, Alis.

Then a rabbit floats down beside me. The cat has disappeared. He's wearing a monocle, and a royal blue waistcoat with gold cuffs. Prim and formal, but he pulls off silly simultaneously.

"Alis." His voice is very tinny and funny, and the bubble makes it sound opaque. He tips his top hat. "My name is Abrabbit Lincoln and I don't tell a lie."

I tilt my head at him. Then, I say, "How do I know you're not telling me a lie?"

"Because—"

"Oh, but wait. That wouldn't make sense, because if you were telling me a lie it wouldn't be a lie, but then it would be a lie."

Abrabbit looks very confused and a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry," I say.

His eyebrows are pinched together (do rabbits have eyebrows?), but he just says, "Just take this."

He throws a package at me. It's very neatly wrapped in paper, with a title nicely stenciled onto the top in green. I'm not focusing on what it says, though, because I'm too busy screaming, "Wait!" but it's too late and the package bursts the bubble anyways.

The bubble is gone in a flash of rainbow, and suddenly it's very windy and things are flying past a lot faster. I've somehow managed to grab the package. I'm hugging it to my chest, and I think I should be scared, but for some reason I'm not.

I think I am too amazed. There is a pink songbird singing Ode to Joy, and two little blue turtles slowly inching down the length of the hole.

There's a pig that looks like it could have come from Guinea, a cake that's curiously shaped like a cup, ice carved into a shape looking vaguely like cream, and a dog who is smoking and sweating and looks very very hot.

Before I know it, though, I've hit the ground. _Oof!_ The air is knocked out of me, and the package skitters across the tile floor. I lie on my back, unable to breathe.

Then I sit up. I can breathe now. Where am I? Is this—what is this place? An internet café? It must be. There is a TV playing in the corner, one of those big bulky ones. Lots of cheap seats, and adults in tuxedos with glasses staring fixedly at laptops. I've never been to one of these, but this is always what I've pictured it to be.

"Excuse me," I say to one of the customers. "Do you know wh—"

"Shhh," he hisses, eyes glued to the screen.

How rude. Offended, I walk up to a lady also on a laptop. "Excu—"

"Shush, little girl."

"_Shush little girl? _Is that any way to talk to a little girl? All I wanted—"

"Excuse me." She glares up at me from her screen. "Do you want me to call my lawyer and take you away from here?"

My mouth drops open. I turn and sit in an empty seat, seething.

After my anger has calmed down a bit, though, I get over it (though I still can't look at her without wanting to rip off her head). So I turn my attention over to the TV, which is periodically attacked with a bout of static.

"This is Dr. Host, on Host News, the best news in both the Middleland and Wonderland, with live coverage from both sides! Breaki… (static) news! Leonardo DiCaprio has had a dream within a dream within a dream! Lady Gaga has finally fallen off the edge—(static) glory! Bruno Mars could not catch a grenade for you because he is having a lazy day! Adele broke up with someone—_again!_ The Glee Club is gleeful! Percy Jackson is (static) thief… of lightning! Kesha's place is about to blow! Rihanna is shining bright—like a diamond! James Bond is bonding with someone! Bill Gates opened a gate! Steve Jobs lost his job (because he died)! Hungary is hungry! South America is… south! Of America!"

I'm very confused. Who are these people? I never was one to dapple in politics. It must be important, though.

"Closing," mutters a pudgy man with a smudged white apron. He takes out a remote, and the TV blinks off. Packing their things, the adults file out the door listlessly, where I see there is a dirty, polluted street of skyscrapers and garbage. What a strange transition, from the rabbit hole to this.

"Lil' girl," mumbles the owner. "Y' left som'n."

His grubby hands have left fingerprints all over the package, but I thank him anyway. He walks into a back room, so I sit back down and open up the package.

**Guide to Wonderland: Alyss, Alice, Alis, and Alex**

What is this?

There are three books. One is titled, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. According to the introduction, she came here first. The next is Through the Looking Glass, starring Alyss. She was second, apparently. I'm third. Apparently I'm supposed to write my "experiences" in the blank third book, but it's already been written down.

This book is recording my journeys for me.

So literally, I am reading and it is writing right now, at the exact same time. Weirrrddd…

Well, anyways, Alex hasn't gotten here yet, I think.

"Alis!" It's Abrabbit, again. He has finally made his way down here. "I found you!"

I've been here the whole time, smart one.

"So! Welcome to Wonderland!" He smiles at me, past grudges evidently forgotten.

"Yeah, uh... thanks...?"

(awkward silence)

Then I say, "It's… it's not like in these two books."

"No. Wonderland has progressed, just as Middleland has."

"Middleland?

"You call it Earth."

"But it looks so…" I look outside again. "…for lack of better vocabulary… gross, though."

He looks offended. "Science and technology have progressed to Wonderland. We are in the era of education and knowledge."

The era of what what?

"Well, then, show me around."

He looks pleased. "Um… I dunno. Where to start? I suppose… let's ride the metro, and we'll head over to the Wonderland University. Best school in the world."

But I'm skimming through Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. "Can I see the rocking horse flies? They sound so cute!"

He wrinkles his nose. "Oh, those pesky little things. Got rid of those long ago. Dr. Stewart, I believe, invented the chemical that drove them to extinction. We practically worship him."

I gasp.

"Yup, one of the great scientists of our time."

We sit in silence on the metro for a while. I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to get rid of those cute little rocking horse-like flies.

Then, I ask, "What about the Jabberwocky?"

Abrabbit snorted. "Died at least three times already. No need to do it again. We do have his head preserved in the Wonderland Museum of Natural History, though I personally prefer the Museum of Science and Technology. The Arts Museum is absolutely horrid, I have to admit. I will never understand all those abstract colors and slashes."

"Do you play croquet?"

"No time for sports."

"Are you friends with the Mad Hatter?"

"Oh, him. I believe he was relocated to a mental asylum when they were invented. Died a while back."

"The March Hare and the Dormouse?"

"They got into a big political fight with the guys who wanted to relocate the Mad Hatter to the mental asylum. Big money lawyers and a huge court case involved, but they eventually lost. Ran off somewhere, never came back. Probably dead."

"The Queen of Hearts?"

"Impeached. We discovered democracy and elected Romney." (? ? ?)

"How about…" I flip through more pages. "Tweedledee and Tweedledum?"

"Died. Diabetes, I think."

So much death! I don't even want to ask about the rose, the tiger lily, and all those other flowers. I'm afraid of the answer, looking at this polluted garbage hole.

"Are you related to the White Rabbit?"

Abrabbit sighed. "Ahh, yes. Not proud of it."

I can't believe it. Floating down the rabbit hole, I thought that this would be the most wonderful, fantastical dream. How could I have been so mistaken?

"But the rabbit hole," I say. "It seemed so… different."

Abrabbit looked embarrassed. "One of the few places in Wonderland that is still gripped by insanity. Don't worry, we're trying to get it under control."

"But…" Eyes wide with shock. I don't believe it. Can't. "What… about—that cat, that was smiling, was he—"

Abrabbit spun around in his chair. "The Cheshire Cat? Where did you see him?"

Startled, I ask, "Wha—"

"He's wanted by the government! He's been in hiding for so long, we never thought we'd see him again!"

"Why would—"

"Because he can disappear! He could be a perfect military tool! With him, we could—"

"WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE A MILITARY?!"

Abrabbit leaned back, startled.

I stood up and cried, "I'm done! I don't want to see your stupid university of learning! This—Wonderland is the stupidest place I've ever seen in my life! This is nothing like it should have been! How could you even _like_ this stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID place?"

The metro was coming to a stop at a station. As the doors glided open, I sprinted out and shouted back at Abrabbit, "I'm going to find that Alex kid, and tell him to _never_ come here!"

I see Abrabbit's face, pale and shocked, and I almost feel bad as the metro glides away.

But it lasts for only a second, because now I'm at a station, with no idea where I am, how to get out, and I just collapse on a bench and cry, feeling salty tears on my lashes. Why am I crying, even? I don't know... I just don't...

Alice, Alyss... if you could see what they've done to your world.

(Stupid modernization!)


End file.
